How do you own disorder?

Alright. So people usually ask me why i’m always at home and I say that I don’t have any friends. They say well you have all those people on your myspace… why don’t you hang out with them?
Well Because I don’t hanve a life I decided to go through my friends list and see who was on there.

Here’s what I gathered:

40 of the people are bands.
10 of them I do not know at all… which means they may get deleted soon.
11 of them I know but never met.
44 of them I know but I’ve never hung out with them in my life. Probably just knew them from school.
45 of them I know but I don’t hang out with them
03 of them I do hang out with, one of them I just put there because he has been making an effort to chill with me. Otherwise it would be two.

Out of the 45 I don’t hang out with, About 20 of them is because they moved away or we loss touch or both. about 7 of them were exes or dated for a moment then stopped. About 8 is family and I don’t hang out with my family at all. 5 of them I just simply don’t have the desire to hang out with them, 2 of them have no desire to hang out with me, 2 of them I just haven’t gotten around to it, And 1 person I’m hesitant for hanging out with for deeper reasons.

so there ya go. A more detailed look at my friends list and why I don’t hang out with them.

It’s disrespectful when someone does not respect your wishes. When they think so highly of themselves that they just know that they can change your mind. Someone who I haven’t seen in like 4 years I saw today. An ex boyfriend. He happened to stop by my car and ask about my bumper because he fixes up cars. He had no idea who I was until I said my name. We exchanged numbers, and that was only because i knew he could help get my front end fixed. In that conversation he asked “where ya man at?” I said “I dunno somewhere” and he went on this rant about being single and his last woman disrespected him and blah blah blah. Whatever didn’t care. But anyway I told him he could come see the bumper I have to see if it could be put back on or if I needed to get a new one. Said okay, I got gas and that was the end of that.

8 something came and I get a phone call. Gave em directions to my house, he came looked at the bumper said that he could get one in better condition he would just have to travel farther for it probably. But anyway we talked and such, he got a little bit too close to me. And he was all “it’s up to you where this goes” and I had already told him I had someone, and I wasn’t interested in him. But yet he kept trying saying things, trying to get close to me, I tried to be nice but I had to put my foot down a bit firmer because I was getting annoyed.

I don’t like that. If I say I’m not interested I’m not interested. If I say I’m already with someone and I don’t need you that’s what I mean. It’s not for you to try to convince me. But maybe it is because when he saw me I was only like 14 and I was no where near as strong as I am now. So maybe he thought that I was still lil old weak Dyamond, and he could just talk and do as he pleased and I’d just say okay. Even if I was still that way you should still do as someone asks. It shouldn’t have to take someone being strong enough to stand up to you for you to back the fuck back. But that’s life. That’s people for you.

I’m changing my myspace page today or tomorrow. I’m probably going to change pages on other sites too. I’m in a mood where I want change. And its a bit funny because as far as like life and everyday things go I didn’t use tolike change. If I go to a resturant I always order the same thing, I always drive the same way somewhere, I always go to stores where I know how to find everythiing and when walmart remodeled their stores I was irritated because I had to look for everything all over again. I like to keep the same person in my life [although that never happens, but hopefully that’s over and done with too] because if they leave then I’d have to replace them and get to know someone else all over again. thats not the only reason i wanted to keep them but you get it. Now I’m at a point in my life where I do want change.I want lots of change in my life. I even wanna change the way I look. Not like plastic surgery type change just like I want brighter hair I want more dresses I want a wardrobe that isn’t just tshirts and jeans for the most part. I want more piercings… I want to have more hobbies I want to


~ by dyadya on May 2, 2008.

One Response to “How do you own disorder?”

  1. A rule of thumb… when things are good, people don’t change a thing. When things are bad, things can’t change bad enough. I’m running for president because America needs to change its dirty diaper.

    And if you want something, you do it.

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